boyfriend didn't invite me to his partyboyfriend didn't invite me to his party

if its her/your husbands family well, be happy that you werent invited! i tried i give up, maybe im remembering wrong! I didnt get carded! Your experience is in no way applicable here and was pretty shitty in general. this will only become a wedge if the LW *makes* it a wedge, which is exactly what she seems to be doing here! On the face of it your sister in law seems unbelievably rude but its like you started telling the story half way through. I would kick his sorry Ass to the kerb. Even if they knew her boyfriend was going? But I guess that changes from person to person. He has a life of his own yet has made a choice to co sign this sick and twisted public humiliation invalidation character assassination to his wife and oddly and perversely chosen his sister over his spouse. We have some issues there, but you know what, I really believe that its important to maintain important relationships. Do you usually decline party invitations or complain about going to them, not having any fun, etc? March 24, 2018, 4:57 am. So, in my mind, if you are being excluded for no good reason then he should stick up for you and not go. We are honest about it and that's why it works. Sorry if the formatting is weird, writing this on mobile. Theres not a clear-cut line, but hes going very far out of his way in this scenario. Whenever I have been invited to any similar social event in the past, I always invite him along because I love having fun with him and I don't want him to feel excluded. I was nodding my head in agreement and shes right, if this slight ruins the foundation of the LWs marriage, there are much bigger problems. Also, when things start coming into your marriage, its completely natural to have feelings about it one way or the other that you want your spouse to respect or at least consider. This is not acceptable. January 15, 2013, 11:02 am, lets_be_honest Amybelle But your attitude doesnt take the long view. If my MIL tells my husband about some party or family gathering I dont have to call her and ask if I can come too. Gilda, Q: I caught my husband watching pornography online. The reasons I have seen PEOPKE not take sides is due to their own 2 faced behaviourthese people usually play both sides of the fence and are usually opportunistic people. January 15, 2013, 11:14 am, LBH, I completely agree. but does that exclude you from ever interacting with anyone who doesnt like your spouse? Its worth looking at the larger picture here and asking yourself if hes keeping you a secret from his family, or just doesnt want you to meet them? GatorGirl I can only guess that I must have done something to offend her but Ive racked my brain and truly have no idea what it was. Who knows if the reason is good. LW, Id look into this a bit more! Can you check with the host to see if I can come along?" Now that I know that the LW has not committed an offense that calls for being disinvited, I feel very sorry for her because she has a major problem with her husband. Here is what I have to say. So let your husband go to the party, stop pitting him against his family, and stop basing the stability of your marraige on his willingness to dump his family for you. he's a sweet guy and people on the forums said he likes me. GatorGirl But she left that out, which I think is a little telling. lemongrass January 16, 2013, 9:21 am. So how was hubby invited? I do not like this feeling, I actually feel dumb for putting up with it. Maybe she didnt give the story because its not that interesting of a story? Well if thats the case, there are those cracks in her marriage. 152. Maybe your in-laws are awful people who treat you like crap and your husband never does anything to defend you. Confrontation is never fun, but the LW needs to get to the bottom of this situation for her own personal integrity, and because the situation will escalate in the future. What part of that do you dont pit him against his family folks not get??? My advice is a bit different. Sure, I give my opinion, and sometimes he decides to go along with what Im thinking, but ultimately, I let him deal with his peeps and I deal with mine. I think he should have invited you, or asked the host if it was okay to invite you and then invited you. When you finally gear up the courage to ring him, it goes to voicemail, all 11 times. Im torn on this letter. January 15, 2013, 4:04 pm. January 15, 2013, 1:55 pm, I could understand if were talking a 37th or 43rd birthday but 40? He want a night with 'the guys' from his office. Just last year, my brother did not invite me to his sons wedding. It's not always easy to know what to do when your boyfriend leaves you alone at a party. January 15, 2013, 10:34 am. female Fabelle Things like; putting his friends before you, not being attentive to you, not making an effort, hanging out less and less, and so on. I wouldn't choose any of them as a friend. Addie Pray This doesnt necessarily mean hes ashamed of you for being you. i dont think so. 19/20 year olds who can't afford an uber aren't going to "black tie, invitiation only" parties. Even if theres no bad blood between the LW and the SIL, maybe one of the other in-laws is horrible and in order to exclude that person, the SIL has to exclude all spouses. Just because they wouldnt expect or request those things, doesnt mean its not normal to offer. Just because you always invite him along doesn't mean he is obligated to do the same. If he does not help to resolve this issuewhatever it ishe is opening the door for his wife to be excluded from everything and saying its okay for the discord in the family to continue. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. My mom wound up calling her to smooth things over, & she called my mom a bitch. I always imagine Im giving advice to one of my friends after reading letters and I feel like the first question I would ask is, WHY do you think you werent invited. January 15, 2013, 9:35 pm, I was thinking the same thing! I think its ludicris to not invite the LW over. January 15, 2013, 3:56 pm. Has he invited you to parties recently where you were tense and didnt seem like you were enjoying yourself? Tough. If maybe she meant you to mean you both or you two. My boyfriend doesn't invite me to the Thanksgiving party. Further, your capitulation to the status quo may be a trait you use often in lifewhich will keep you stuck. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is Dont Bet on the Prince!Second Edition. January 15, 2013, 10:58 am. But at least you would have ASKED. you may have a really goofy laugh or do embarrassing things? January 15, 2013, 11:28 am, I dont think it compromises the integrity of the marriage, but it does put a wedge between the husband and the wife where he could have used the opportunity to solidify how much he cares for her., Brigitte The point is the LW is his wife and that loyalty has to come first. CORRECTION: Those are things that SOME families do for each other, not all. female WHY do you think you werent invited That is an excellent point jlyfsh. If you become hubbys sex kitten, the alley cat might purr foryou! Whether it's your birthday, an anniversary or Valentine's Day, he should want to be there with you. I would leave his ass. He didnt write those invitations, so there is really no reason to make it about him. What annoys me the MOST is when people WANT to celebrate their birthdays but expect everyone else to initiate the party. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Thats all you need to say. This never feels good, but you can never control how other people feel. January 15, 2013, 10:00 am. FossilChick He doesnt feel like going himself and doesnt want to make a big deal of it. But your boyfriend isn't responsible for that hurt and he's been placed in an awkward position of either upsetting you by attending the wedding even though you weren't invited, or hurting his close friends, thoughtless as they may appear, by missing one of the most important events of their lives. 4. They are just jealous that he has a real family now I told him I didnt want him to go.. ok, im back to agreeing with you. (at first he said he wasnt going but )He just left to his brothers bday party without me. I just want to say that in general, you shouldn't expect other people to behave the way you would behave. And, it sucks for the husband, but thats the way I see it. female I will never trust you, I cannot have my whole heart invested in our marriage because you have broken my heart in two. You can't. You can invite your aunt and her husband but not cousins if you're not inviting other cousins. If this was a friend dissing you, Id be all over not letting your husband go. On the one hand, I totally see Wendys point. I ended a friendship with a friend who didnt invite my husband to her wedding. Since the day you said i do, you are family. In the end, your husband wants a relationship with his sibling, for better of worse. he is the broker of peace in between two apparently petty jerky women who go out of their way to slight the other one *through* the husband/brother. lets_be_honest When you accidentally bump into him on a night out, he refuses to hold your hand or dance with you. Yeahits not sitting well with me that youre husband doesnt want you to go either. Hahaha. And I got carded. January 15, 2013, 12:11 pm. Melissa GatorGirl The thing is, I always invite him, especially if were hanging out together and Im making plans for that evening. And, for what its worth, if the SIL had written in and said the LW was a terrible, no good rotten person who she loathed and she just wanted to invite her brother to her party and not his wife, my advice would have been that like her or not, the LW is her brothers wife and the SIL has to respect that. My situation is sort of similar to yours, but not as drastic. Did he ask you to drive him for pre-drinks or did you offer? Youre showing them that youre comfortable enough with your husband and your marriage to know when someone isnt worth starting a fight between the two of you. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Sometimes when someone is being a total douche, you just gotta sit back and allow them to show their cards. 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